“The present is a gift, and I just want to be.”-Common

Common is probably one of the realest and most controversial rappers in the game. Nothing is off limits with this MC, and I find that listening to all of his music has a way of enlightening me in more ways than I ever expected. Regardless of his point of view, Common always has a reason for what he feels and why he feels it. And someone who can produce rhyme after rhyme staying true to his ideals, regardless of whether it’s the popular opinion, is enough to make me in awe of him. The intro track of his album Be, of the same name, is beautiful in its simplicity, and the final line resonates within me every time I listen to it.

I’m as guilty as anyone. Constantly concerned with planning the future and talking in reference to what will be. It’s very difficult for me not to. I’m in a point in my life where I’m not quite settled and I dream of brighter, better future. I’m sure when most (honest) people stop to take a look around, they realize that their current situation isn’t so bad that it needs to be completely overlooked. In my life, for instance, I’m on the verge of a promotion at work, which as we all know is just foundation to help me make more money to buy a house, start a family and work on my ultimate goal of writing more. But again, here I am thinking about how my current situation will improve my future. On one hand, I see how it’s important to live “in the now”, as life is precious and can end at any moment. On the other, I see many of my inspirations constantly working toward their lifelong dreams. It can be confusing, trying to navigate the “carpe diem” mentality while also chipping away at your ambitions.

For me, I think living in the moment is focusing on what you’re currently doing, whether it be working or growing a baby, or running a marathon. The point is to be be invested 100% in your current task. The fact that it may lead to your accomplishing your goal is a bonus. Success is a journey, not a destination, and all that business. And when I say be invested 100%, that’s exactly what I mean. Spending time with an elderly grandparent doesn’t count of you’re on your phone the whole damn time. Take time and really listen to what people are saying, really taste that bacon wrapped mahi mahi instead of scarfing it down. Revel in the softness, or roughness, of your loved ones hands. This is what I feel living in the present entails. With these things in mind, I feel a person’s quality of life will increase dramatically.

So here’s to you Common, making me think about things like this as I drive to work every morning. Keep it up.

“This is my canvas. I’m a paint it how I want it babe.”- J. Cole

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Apparently, I'm a paint it how I want it babe, J.Cole

So I’m still on the J. Cole kick. It’s rather unlike me to quote the same artist 3 weeks in a row, but I can’t stop listening to 2014 Forest Hills Drive. Every track takes on new meaning every time I listen to them, and I have to applaud J. Cole for weaving such complex scenarios in his rhymes. Well done sir.

I’m always thinking about which rhyme I want to write about the following week, and I often times I try to set rules for myself to avoid sounding redundant or being all up on a certain artist’s dick. And then I think of Cole’s masterful message: “There is no right or wrong, only a song,” and I am comforted in knowing that I have to write my way, without worrying about others’ opinions on what I  create. It’s easy to follow a certain standardized method, being quick to say what won’t work based on other ideas on the subject. Perhaps it’s just me that tends to lean toward this thinking and bypass developing my own way in favor of others. I was definitely this way in my younger years. As I’m swiftly approaching my thirties I am more aware that what makes us different, and ultimately unique, is the way we choose to manifest our creativity that is inherently our own.

Will anyone else write a blog on how hip hop inspires them? Most definitely. I think it’s insanity when people claim not to receive motivating messages from the likes of J. Cole, Kanye West, Jay Z, Common, Tupac, Biggie Smalls…and the list goes on. Will anyone else write a hip hop blog that is perhaps better and more eloquent than myself? This is also a certainty, for some people. Again, this aspect of our art relies on the opinions of others, a theme that can’t be fully eradicated, as much as I’d like for it to be. But will anyone set up their blog quite like me? Listing their favorite quotes and talking about how it impacts their lives to the point where they’re revealing old secrets in the name of rap? I think this unlikely, and pretty uniquely me. This is how I’m painting my canvas, so to speak.

Many can argue that all rap is the same. The same themes about the same hoes, same drugs, same partying and same violence all present in the similarly named albums. This argument does hold up in some cases. Many rappers end up following that same beaten path, their rhymes not getting any deeper than a particular bad bitches’ pussy. And then there are those like J. Cole, who presents fresh ideas and spins on the culture I’ve come to love dearly. In a way he gives people like me a push, making us think past the fabulous lifestyle and into the people we were and they people we’d like to become. Dreams can come true, he says. And when they do, that there is a beautiful thing.

“I don’t know freedom, I want my dreams to rescue me.” -J. Cole

J. Cole’s newest album 2014 Forest Hills Drive is ripe with inspirational quotes. And, again, I had trouble picking just one. There are some rhymes that are more obvious than others in their message, and for that I love them dearly. This particular line had me from the first time I heard it uttered on Cole’s track “Apparently”.

Who amongst us does not share the desire to be free? It’s an intoxicating notion, to be able to do as one pleases whenever they wish. Sure, those of us in the United States and other countries have many freedoms that I’m sure most are familiar with. But what is it like to be truly free? According to Cole, it’s when you’ve accomplished your ultimate goals, leading you to the life you’ve always dreamed of. I’m sure the definition of freedom is different for everyone, and as I’m writing this I’m wondering if it’s time for me to reevaluate my own.

Initially my idea of perfect freedom involved being financially free, meaning no debt and a pretty penny stowed away to use for travel and luxury. Truthfully, my definition does still include this idea, but now requires more than this obvious, tangible aspect. As I thought further, I realized that in order to be free, one must be able to dictate how they live their life. This is an important concept of my definition, as there are many who have no choice regarding their own lives. I feel that as someone who does have the ability to choose, it would be downright irresponsible not to. How would a person living under a dictatorship view us “free” people if we didn’t choose to live our most desired life? I’m sure if the roles were reversed, they would waste no time going after the life they longed for.

Not only is J. Cole revealing his desire to be rescued by his dreams, he is also manifesting these dreams in his art. Funny, as I discuss my own interpretation of freedom by doing part of what makes me feel free. It’s an interesting discovery, that acting on your deepest desires can ultimately lead to your highest level of spiritual, and eventually, material freedom. Has it ever been more apparent?

“If you believe in God, one thing’s for sure: if you ain’t aim too high, then you aim too low” – J. Cole

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AIm too high, Forest Hills Drive, J.Cole, January 28th

I’m constantly looking for inspiration in all aspects of my life, most notably in my favorite music. Everyone has a story and a realization they’ve come across in their own lives, and it’s almost as though I’m a collector of these musings, storing them away and retrieving them when I’m feeling angry, anxious or ambivalent. J. Cole’s latest album 2014 Forest Hills Drive has struck a chord in me, touching on subjects I’ve always felt drawn to but hadn’t quite developed completely in my mind.

This is album is full of fantastic rhymes, and no doubt I will be touching on them from week to week. Truly I had a difficult time picking the first to praise; all of his songs had some sort of bold message that resonated within me. I mean, the intro alone was spectacular. My husband and I like to watch the video he made for this first track. In my husband’s words: “This dude made a video for his fucking intro,” he said reverently. I had to agree with his attitude. But no, I didn’t pick the intro, because I came across the perfect quote in track 2, “January 28”, titled after J. Cole’s own birthday.

Now, I wouldn’t say I’m an overly religious person, but I am a believer in the one God. It’s occurred to me that there’s a huge contradiction in my love of hip hop, as most songs tend to steer clear of mentioning God at all, let alone belief in him. It was refreshing and stunning at the same time to hear a rapper I have mad respect for state his belief so forwardly. And this is a theme throughout the entire album. This is beautiful because it’s not too pushy or too try-hard. Shit, Cole’s next track involves losing his virginity, and not in the holiest of ways. No, Cole expresses all human aspects of himself, from being a believer to being a “born sinner”. Whoops, wrong album. Couldn’t resist.

Now, it’s important to note the confession of faith doesn’t end there. He clearly states when you put your life in God’s hands that anything is possible. I’m not sure how to write this without sounding like a Bible-thump-er. Sigh. Whatever higher power you believe in, whether it be Jehovah God, Buddha or a conscious intelligence field, that belief can lead you to reach your highest potential. You won’t settle for less because you know through your faith you can reach any goal you set. Cole knows because he’s already done it. And not just him, but those that have laid the blueprint for him the way he’s doing for other aspiring artists.

I look up to him for his unapologetic expression of his ideas and thoughts. That’s what I strive to do when I write. I’m trying to get out of this rut that I’m in; working in a place that will never excite my true calling or potential. I’ve got to aim higher, and I’m working on it. Books, blogs…here I come!

“This a ‘doing me and only God can judge’ song”- Drake

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action, Drake, Trophies

I’m not sure why, but I’m excited. Perhaps it’s because the new year is around the corner, and starting fresh has always been appealing. The thought of making and keeping resolutions as well as maintaining structure in my adult life makes me positively giddy. If these self imposed regulations lead me to a more successful and productive life, even better. I’ve been treading water for some time, waiting for a sign, any sign, that will help propel me into the next phase of my life. Hip hop continues to inspire me daily to take the chance and fulfill my destiny, whatever it may be. I have to reference Drake’s “Trophies” yet again, as it’s full of declarations of self realization that I find intoxicating.

I’ve been stressed for weeks. Over the past year, my husband and I encountered numerous car problems and vet bills that increased our debt, thus pushing back our plans for a house and family further back. We’re frustrated, and I start to have a pity party, pouting and shutting down completely, a quality I truly loathe in myself. Rather than use this experience to move forward, I feel like a failure and begin the process of tearing myself down even more, whether it be my physical appearance or my current job.

I think one of the reasons I’m experiencing excitement right now is due to the realization that these are the cards being handed to me. This is my story, my script, my path.  What am I going to do with it? It’s up to me to put my own personal twist on this story, making it completely my own. I want to make more money. How? It’s time to answer that question in my actions. It’s time to update that resume and write my ass off. I have to do it. I want to be in superior shape. How? I have to get my lazy ass to the gym at least five days a week. I have to fight through the fatigue, and the stress and the mental blocks that are holding me back. ‘What’s the alternative?’ I often ask myself, and I picture my life without my striving to be the best possible version of myself, and it makes me terribly sad.

These goals I strive for are not to be achieved over night nor over a series of nights, but over the course of my entire life. And I feel that I’ve finally committed to the actions I need to take to make my dreams a reality. That’s probably the most exciting thing of all. Lord knows!

“They’ll never take the joy from us.” – Jay Z

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Fire, Jay Z, Kanye West, The Joy

The holidays are well upon us, and frankly I’m struggling to feel joyous. Work is stagnant, and my coworkers prove themselves to be untrustworthy. I’m used to this. But then money is also tight at one of the most critical moments of the year. Say what you will, and so will I: I like giving people nice Christmas gifts, not to mention birthday gifts to those lucky few born in the final, glorious month of the year. The stress is palpable, and it’s moments like this when a person’s true character becomes apparent. In the track “The Joy” in Jay Z and Kanye West’s superb album Watch the Throne, they choose to focus not on what ails them, but what joys flourish in their lives.

Surely for mega stars like these two there is much to feel grateful about. I confess it’s easy to slip into the mindset of what your life is lacking, especially compared to the radical lives of celebrities. However, there is much to learn from this simple yet touching song. Should any piece of literature on either one of these rappers be perused, it is likely that at least one instance of adversity in their lives will be mentioned. People who have achieved great success have struggled just as much, if not more, than the average man. They’ve placed themselves in riskier situations and set themselves up for failure countless times. And yet, they still manage to focus on what they have rather than what they want or don’t possess.

I’m normally an optimistic person, but I’ve struggled with this aspect of myself lately. I’m not yet 29, and I wonder if the onset of the real world is what’s bringing me down. I haven’t yet truly lived, and what little bit of adulthood I’ve experienced hasn’t quite been how my out-of-control imagination depicted it. Over the past few weeks I’ve been slipping. It’s scary to think I’ve barely dipped my toes in and already I’m getting my ass kicked. Although, there is that one, slightly quiet but growing louder, part of me that’s kicking and screaming because they still want to do it their way. No regrets. Balls to the wall. Jumping in head first. Making things happen. Full of joy.

This is the person I want to be. I strive to be. Deep down, I know I’ll get there, but it is a long, arduous road indeed. Maybe I’m making it hard for myself. I really can’t answer that yet. One thing is certain though, we have to “keep our hands up, get mine up, don’t let them take your fire”. Yeah.

“The only thing that can stop me is me.” -Jay Z

Wow! Today was a first for me. I had someone post a comment on how my writing spoke to them, in particular my post called “Look at the valedictorian, scared of the future while I hop in the DeLorean”. I hadn’t written for going on three weeks, and was debating on whether to write a post today when this person opened up to me about striving to be true to themselves and do what makes them happy. This is a recurring theme in my posts, and I was elated to find that this person appreciated and felt the same way I do about how we should all live our lives. As I noted earlier, I’ve been inconsistent in my pursuit of happiness, and when I read the beautiful comment left to me, I realized that the only one holding me back from truly achieving my dreams is me.

To this day I can’t figure it out. I know what I want and I have a pretty good idea of how to do it. So what’s stopping me? I can be prolific if I want. There were months on end when I was posting once a week, which was my goal. Then suddenly, I’ll drop off for awhile. And I can come up with an excuse, beating myself up about it later after a few weeks have passed with no writing. I’m always thinking about writing. Fantastic sentences will appear in my mind as I muse on whatever my imagination fancies at that particular moment. It’s almost as though I have a bad habit that’s proving very difficult to break. This habit is procrastination, and I hate to admit, laziness.

My husband tells me it’s not laziness. We work 9-5 day jobs, work out, cook, eat, clean, shower, sleep. Repeat. When we’re feeling particularly energetic we’ll pursue our passions. Part of me wants to blame this shitty system that we’re in, where we work to the point of exhaustion and then have no juice to expand our horizons. But there I go being lazy again. There are people who balance multiple jobs, school and even families and STILL manage to achieve their goals and dreams. Makes me look like a whiney little bitch.

No, I’m the one responsible for the life I’m living. If I want to be a writer and author badly enough then I will make time, make sacrifices, make miracles happen to achieve my dreams. Who gon’ stop me, huh?

“Know yourself; know your worth…” -Drake

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0 to 100, Drake, Know yourself, Self worth

I find that my self-worth has often been determined by the opinion of others. If someone thought my writing was sub-par, or my looks were average, I accepted this as truth. Very rarely did my personal self image contest their own image of me, and to this day I’m not exactly sure why. It’s easy to say that perhaps I had no self esteem to speak of, and this might be true. And yet, at the same time it’s also hard to believe because I was no shy gal. I went for things. I liked to be challenged. I excelled in sports and academics. This doesn’t sound like someone who had no self esteem to me. But perhaps my opinion is a little too subjective. In any case, as Drake protests, it’s important to understand and accept how you feel about yourself, and in doing so you can realize that it’s never alright to settle.

Although I’m only 28, I still feel as though it’s taken me a long time to figure out what I want and what I hope to experience in my lifetime. It seems as if some people have it all figured out at an early age, and I was always envious of those few. However, as I’ve matured and talked to many that always had a plan, I find more often than not they’re not completely satisfied with the route they’ve chosen. The beauty of this predicament is that it’s never too late to make a choice or a change. Easier said than done, I assure you, but still ever possible. The difficult part is the action of making the change. It’s slowly dawning on me that in order to confidently make said change, one must be pushed to the absolute edge of whatever situation they’re in, to see what stuff they’re made of, and to excel in areas that at one time may have seemed daunting. Only then when you’ve seen what limits you can push can you truly realize the limitless potential within you.

It’s an intoxicating realization, that you can do anything. I’m ever aware of those who are afraid of success, unknowingly hindering themselves in an endless cycle of self sabotage. It occurs to me that this could be my problem as well. I hope not. But this is why I constantly jam my hip hop heroes, soaking in their life lessons and knowledge, praying one day I’ll be able to bestow the same ideologies to those that need help keeping their head up everyday. It’s a process, but I’ll go from 0 to 100 within this lifetime.

“In the place where my mind is going, filled with songs that no one’s knowing.” -Kid Cudi

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Cudi Zone, Do you get it?, Kid Cudi

I can hardly keep track of how many “brilliant” ideas I’ve had in my lifetime. Some were discarded as quickly as they emerged, while others I spent some time developing. In most cases, these ideas faded into the depths of my mind, only to reappear on drunken evenings when I’m feeling more optimistic about what the future holds. Like Kid Cudi, and I’m sure like most human beings, there’s a part of our minds that we retreat to during our down time. A part that’s filled with all of our creativity and plans for the life of our dreams. Unlike most of us, Kid Cudi has tapped into this place, and it’s up to us to follow suit.

Many times throughout my day I ponder my life and reminisce about past mistakes and accomplishments. I find that when I let my mind wander, allowing it to go where it will, that I develop the most profound and true observations about how I have lived and I how I wish to start living. Thoughts flow easily, like water downhill, and there’s no internal judgement or worry involved. Inevitably, I’m snapped back to reality, the thoughts lingering briefly before departing. Residual memories of these thoughts come back every now and then, again on spirited nights.

I tap into this part of the mind often. My problem is that I don’t always act on what’s suggested there. At times I’ll dismiss my lack of action as laziness, but then what’s the point of over-analyzing my untapped brilliance if I’m too “lazy” to make it a reality? No, laziness is too lazy an excuse. Perhaps it’s fear, and even that’s not good enough to reason to stop me from expressing my true calling. After it’s all said and done, there is no good excuse. Again, in the words of Kid Cudi, “Now, do you, do you, do you, do you get it?”

“I don’t need your pussy, bitch, I’m on my own dick.”- Kanye West

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Impress Yo Self, Kanye West, Power

Few rappers have the bravado expressed by Kanye West. It’s nearly impossible for me to listen to his music and not be overwhelmed by his blatantly expressed opinions of himself. I look up to him for that as I struggle day to day, and at times hour to hour, on how I feel about myself and things I accomplish. I know deep down that I am extremely confident in my abilities, but when I don’t get the recognition from others I start to question whether I’m deluding myself. In instances such as these, Kanye resonates even louder.

The fact is that YOU must believe YOU can do it. Not only this, but you must also KNOW. Of course, as with most ideas, this concept is more easily written than practiced. I find myself mentally whining that I’m not ever recognized for the hard work I put in at my job, and find that my peers constantly praise others who don’t do half the work I do or hustle nearly as hard as I hustle. It bothers me to the point that I get angry, and then I try harder and harder to impress them. I’ll re- analyze a test that one of my coworkers messed up. On a weekend. Or I’ll jump at the opportunity to help them with something they claim they won’t have time to finish, but in actuality will be sitting on their ass while I complete it.

It has occurred to me, very slowly but steadily, that my attempts are a huge mistake. Instead of impressing upon them my incredible abilities and skills, I’m projecting a person who is eager to please and a pushover. It’s seen time and time again, and I fall into the role because of my pathetic need to be admired for doing my job. So no more. I know I’m great at what I do, whether it be writing, or performing analyses. I know I work harder than the rest of them because I’m the one actually doing the work. I’m waking up early. I’m staying late. And damn it I’m making sure all is held down on my end.

It’s rather liberating to realize that the only person you have to prove anything to is yourself, and when you’ve already reached that goal, there’s nothing that can stand in your way. Cheers to you Kanye!